I am for the most part a woman of tradition. Meaning? I think that it is important to keep the traditions of one's past, or culture alive. Traditions are a tie to our past, and where we come from. So prior to converting to Judaism, I knew that I wanted my children to be immersed in Jewish culture, specifically taken from Sephardic/Mizrahi practices as represented by their father's background. Great. Story is over? Not quite.
As most of you that have read previous blog post know, I am very attached to the family from which I came, and that maintaining traditions from this aspect of myself is very important as well. This acknowledgement from those that know me, or who have gotten to know me, has brought forth questions, typically after they realize that a Christmas tree does not exist in our home. So as part of a " I will answer your questions series", I am doing for my page on FaceBook (Please visit. Like. And share), and given that passover is due in just a week, I will answer some questions in reference to how we mesh traditions in our household, I'll start with the Christmas/Hannukah season....
1) What?!?!?!?! No, Christmas tree? Why the hell not?
I don't know how many times, every year, I have been asked this question. It seems that the idea of not having a tree, translates into child abuse to some when they hear my emphatic, "NO". I must admit that the idea of not having a tree, tears my insides apart. You see, Christmas to me is a time, not just for gift giving, but also a time that my family typically gets together. It also triggers some of the greatest memories I have of my late grandmother, as I was her official tree trimmer, and my Grandma...she was my best friend. To me seeing a Tree in it's glory is intricately tied to all of the great things I've done with my grandmother, and the good times shared with my family. Christmas isn't religion based, it is family based for me.
Given all of these things, there is no wonder that I have such a strong desire to incorporate these same gooey, warm feelings of this holiday with my boys. And still...there is no tree in our house, BUT I get my fix by spending the holidays with my family. My boys get to have those same fuzzy feelings that I had as a child, and still they have a Jewish home, sans tree, but filled with their own feelings of fuzziness through lightening their menorah, eating jelly donuts, singing songs, making their own Dreidels for play, and opening up their Hannukah gifts.
2) Wonder what your Shabbat or Thanksgiving table will look like...fried chicken, collard greens, and challah? (This was said nastily to my husband during the "dark days")
Actually our dinner table on ANY given day can look like the U.N. vomited all over it for the week. This past Shabbat meal included a traditional "American meal" of rosemary chicken, garlic mash, and carrots. Last week the mid-East strolled in, and the week before then our neighbors might have sworn that we had Indian relatives over. This past Thanksgiving, we did a Moroccan theme. In short, we just like food. Period. Our table represents all cultures, and of course our own on occasion.
3) Do your kids celebrate Easter?
Describe celebrate, please. I guess I could say "no", although, many based on my answer may say "yes". Easter in my house has been revamped from my childhood, and is now called Pesach, or Passover. Instead of getting dressed in their Easter Sunday best, groomed to look their greatest for church, they get dressed to do the Sedar.
The children do dye eggs. Although they do not dye "Easter eggs" for a hunt, or baskets. They dye and decorate eggs to be placed on the passover table. The reason? Dying eggs is a tradition from my family, and like trimming a tree, it is a part of the myriad of memories and traditions I take with me from my grandmother. I also see nothing wrong in incorporating it into our passover table, considering that there are no real religious connotations associated with the dying of eggs...others may or may not agree, but to each their own.
I should also mention that my children have participated in a Easter egg hunt. To them it was a party where they got some cool prizes, and lots of junk. No religious connotations associated with a hunt for colorful plastic eggs that has some really cool stuff locked inside, therefore Little J and Ju Ju are well within their means to participate, and get sugar high off their rocker on chocolate.
4) So your children don't know about Santa Claus? Or the Easter Bunny? That's cold (<--Yup, I've gotten that)
I am sorry to disappoint, but my children were told that Santa Claus as we understand him today is a character. He is not real. He does not come through chimneys, and the presents that they receive on Christmas day at my parents home, comes from their family because it is tradition to show their love for each other this way... on Christmas. The end.
The Easter bunny? I don't even get it, so there is no way I am going to endorse a bunny that delivers eggs and chocolate to little boys and girls. If you said a chicken, or chic did this, then I might be persuaded....nope, never mind. They do not believe in the Easter Bunny, although they did love the movie Hop. Little J has also been told about the tooth fairy. Okay, even my husband said I was a little harsh on that one, and I had to take it all back. However, once his first tooth comes out, I am shattering his innocence with the realization that the tooth fairy is not real. I know. I know. I am a monster. Blah. Blah. Blah.
5) Don't you think they might be confused? (This is my favorite)
*sigh* No. I do not believe that my kids will be confused. In fact they're pretty well adjusted, and well aware, and dare I say proud of their Jewishness. If you ask Little J, on any given day, what/who he is, his response is that he is Jewish, and Black. He is our Kosher police man, and our little reminder to hurry things along so that Kiddush can be done. Ju Ju loves to hear Shalom Aleichem, during the Sabbath prayers. Little J. also gets that certain things are just celebrated with my family, and that it is okay to celebrate in their home, in respect for where he comes from, and out of respect in being in another's household, enjoying their hospitality. The idea, of when in Rome, do as the Romans do, in a manner that respects not only said Romans, but yourself as well, especially when those Romans are your kinsman is a trait my child(ren) now have. I believe that our "blended" family has/will teach my boys tolerance. It has thus far taught Little J. that some people are different, but a person differences does not negate them as human being; that differences can be celebrated, and differences help you to see the importance of maintaining, as well as enjoying your traditions. I don't know if we have things right. I will not know until our children reach adulthood, but I do know that for the time being, we're teaching the boys about tolerance rather well.
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